Football at the Fringe

Every year, Scotland’s capital hosts the biggest arts festival in the world, with thousands of shows and performances taking place, and hundreds of thousands flocking to see them. 

Considering that Scotland is a football loving nation, and that the beautiful game is the planet’s most popular sport, it’s no surprise that some of the playwrights and theatre groups chose football as their theme and inspiration this year. 

Googling ‘Edinburgh Fringe Football’ revealed a handful of shows clearly playing on the emotional, social connection so many of us have to the sport. 

A spree of ticket booking followed, and I was lucky enough to catch ‘The Beautiful Game’ on my first day in Edinburgh. 

“Some love it, others loathe it, but we can't avoid it – it's everywhere! A laugh-out-loud look at our undying obsession with football, celebrating everything from weird match day rituals to ridiculous armchair punditry. This show explores the highs and lows of football fandom – it may even attempt to explain the offside rule”.

The show was put on by four women based in Nottingham, aka Next Door Dance, who I was lucky enough to bump into on the city’s famous Royal Mile a few hours before the show. Clad in their TBG colourful kits and tracksuits (handing out flyers to sell those final few tickets), I was given directions through Edinburgh’s mazy streets to the venue (and was instructed not to be late.) 

Despite being an occasional theatre goer over the years, it’s by no means by natural habitat, and I can imagine the same is true for lots of football fans. Sport, particularly football, would very rarely be put into the same class of culture as the performing arts, and I was interested to see how NDD had weaved the two together. 

They billed it as a “ballsy show which is brimming with nostalgia and set to a buzzing soundtrack. Even if football isn't your thing, this electric, feel-good show will persuade you of its charms”.

Set in an intimate box-room venue, with a friendly crowd nearly filling the seats, the four-strong cast kicked off the performance with a flourish (pun definitely intended). A living room setting, complete with sofa, fireplace and mantlepiece (featuring a dashing portrait of Gary Lineker), played host to a rousing introduction, the famous Match of the Day theme tune playing as the dancers whirled around the stage.

The performance began by flowing effortlessly through nostalgic scenes from football games of the past, soundbites from old game punditry forming the backdrop as the four players gave a physical commentary of their own. Every word spoken was mouthed and mimed energetically, imaginary balls being kicked and flicked all over the stage as they played out each scene.

‘And here’s Gascgoine… Brilliant play… Ohhhhhhhh, take a bow for that…’, we heard, re-living Paul Gascgoine’s famous Euro ‘96 goal for England against the Scots, a risky but welcome inclusion as far as I was concerned. 

The central character, sat mesmerised by the imaginary television in her arm chair, was depicted ‘growing up’ whilst the actors danced and mimed their way through the football archives, hinting at the lifelong rite of passage that fandom represents. From goal celebrations (including Alex Morgan’s recent ‘cup of tea’), to head in hand moments, the journey of a fan’s love for the game was mapped out in a matter of minutes in an incredibly energetic opening sequence. 

As the four women dramatically de-tracksuited to reveal full, brightly coloured football kits, each took it in turn to tell personal anecdotes of their own love for the game. Stories of ‘the first ever girls football team in my village’, and ‘50 young women madly chasing 1 ball around the local park’ blended beautifully with the classic commentary and high octane dance scenes. 

We were taken through a core set of memories and experiences that any player of fan would be familiar with, combinations of interview clips, game commentary and rousing British rock and pop classics setting these scenes. 

Highlights included a hilarious and well balanced portrayal of referees (complete with a synchronised linesman flag dance routine and confetti-like use of red cards), and funnier still, a look at the life of a goalkeeper, set to the melancholic Celine Dion classic, ‘All By Myself’ as one of the actors flung herself around the stage in a pair of smelly gloves. 

During interview segments entitled ‘My First Pair of Boots’, and ‘The Best Goal I’ve Ever Scored’, we heard soundbites from players, fans and families from across the grassroots game. Sentimental memories of the ‘un-bin-able’ silver Nike Vapors or Adidas Predators, parental debates about whether or not dirty boots should be washed by next week, and countless adjective-filled descriptions of screamers on park pitches painted a heart-warming picture of the role football plays in our shared collective memory.

My personal highlight was a ‘day in the life of a fan’ routine. All four performers set about adorning themselves in scarves and wooly hats before strolling with vigour to the imagined stadium, capturing the tribal ritual of the pilgrimage so many go through every Saturday afternoon. 

We lived through the highs and lows of a 90 minute match, elation and distress etched across the faces of all four throughout, creating a tense but hilarious atmosphere amongst the crowd. Quite regularly, their facial expressions and slapstick choreography would cause those on the front row to double over and exclaim in laughter, the performers, centimeters from them, unfazed as they watched the imaginary drama unfolding. 

Throughout the scene, one actor held (and constantly nibbled at) a classic football pie. True to reality, for the majority of the scene it was clearly ‘too hot to eat’, so it accompanied her around the stage in comical fashion. The energetic match scene was set to Depeche Mode’s ‘I Just Can’t Get Enough’, hinting at the addictive nature of our love for the sport, with its catchy rhythm  reminding me of the numerous parodied versions heard on terraces around the country (Albion’s Peter Odemwingie song my reference point.) 

What was clearly a crushing last minute winner for the opposition led to a stark change in mood, with the cast exhibiting those tell-tale signs of shared desperation and disappointment that any football fan will be able to empathise with. Cushions were flung, fists pounded the floor and wails of misery filled the room, much to the delight of the two old men in the front row, perhaps realising they themselves have fallen foul of the same symptoms thanks to football over the years. 

‘I don’t want it anymore, you have it’, offered the teary pie-holding dancer to the laughing punters, as the crushed and chewed pastry in its little foil tray was ceremoniously passed a few rows back. Oasis classic ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’ fitted the scenes of woe quite perfectly, as the actors dried their tears and brought the show to a conclusion. 

The hour flew by in a beautiful blend of flying limbs, colourful kits and nostalgic sounds and speech, weaving together a vivid range of stories that reminded me how much I, and indeed a large portion of British culture, love football. 

I can safely say I enjoyed the performance far more than I’ve enjoyed any actual game of football for a long time, and was both surprised and inspired by how effectively NDD had captured our national fascination for the sport in their performance. 

Often, football is on the surface merely a sport, and with time and investment, you get to fully appreciate how deep it runs within ourselves and our society. But this show brought it into clarity from the word go, and was a hilarious and heart-warming way to enjoy the Beautiful Game.